Knowing the truth

There are defining moments in your life, these moments draw a line that separates your life to before this moment and after this moment. The before and after look completely different, like marriage, pregnancy, moving to another country, that kind of stuff that can turn your life around.

Well, when Talas pediatrician, our beloved Dr Nasser Gamal, first told me that he suspects something is wrong with Tala and that she has facial features that look abnormal, I was going to storm out of his clinic and never go back.. I felt like "who are you to tell me my daughter is abnormal, she's perfect" but deep down i felt it, i felt something is wrong, my heart felt it but my mind totally refused it.

Anyway we ran the test and we got back the results. You know when someone has a near death experience and they say that they saw their whole life run infront of them like a movie! That's exactly what happened to me, I saw my future run infront of me and it wasn't pretty. for, i don't know how long, i read the lines saying that she has an abnormality and seeing my life full of misery and sadness and loss. Millions of thoughts crowded in my head like an electric shock until i broke down and cried.

I remember this night very well, I cried all night, me and Ali didn't speak a word to each other. we just lied in bed staring at the ceiling and I remember very well that at a point my mind went blank, numb, no thoughts at all, just space. i wanted to get up and pray but I was angry with God for doing this to me, so I didn't. I could swear that this night was the worst night of my life.

With a challenged kid, it's like waves, there are days where you will feel like you got it together and everything is figured out and you're a hero and other days where you hit rock bottom and all the fear creeps up on you and fear doesn't come alone, it brings along its friends "anger and guilt"

More on that later, 

Thank you for reading:)))